On Being a Single Mom

Are there even words to describe it or do you have to experience it? 

I though I knew what it meant to be a single mom because I was a Navy wife. I had run the house on my own and been the sole disciplinarian during deployments. I thought I understood it. The thing is though, when you are a military spouse you have a dependable source of income. That is not to sound petty and say that a husband is just a paycheck but the fact is that when you suddenly have no IDEA when you will get any kind of money at all, well you appreciate what you HAD. You also had communication, you had love, you had someone else on the planet who was interested in the little things. You still had a best friend to confide in even if he was on the other side of the earth. Someone who knows your children as intimately as you do and gets excited about them losing a tooth or gets worried when they are sick. When you are a single mom you face every triumph and every trial ALONE. 

That is not the only thing you do alone. You do 100% of the work 100% of the time. Like this week, Twizzler has strep throat and I ran out of bottled water. I can't say, "Hey hunny, pick up water on the way home." I can't even say, "Sit here with the kids while I go get some more water." I have to take my sick kid to the store with me. It was my only option. Poor Twizzler was ready to collapse walking through the store. I hated to have to drag him along but it was my only option. I also had to take my 2 healthy kids with me to the doctor's office along with the 1 sick child. In fact, I think that is the very same way that Twizzler got sick in the first place. Tuesday I had to take all 3 children with me to Hershey's doctor appointment and the next day Twizzler was sick.

Oh and then there is the stuff that I used to be able to put on my 'hunny do' list... That 'hunny do' list is my responsibility, which is why I have had a cabinet door sitting on the floor of my kitchen for a couple of months now. I have not had time to figure out how to fix it. It is the 4th and 5th hinge that broke since I moved in and frankly I am tired of calling the maintenance guy to come fix them and I am tiny bit scared  he will start charging me for the hinges. It is better to just let it sit on the floor. 

When I have car trouble, I have to figure out a way to fix it. When something in the house breaks, I have to fix it. When something needs to be built, I have to do that too. And I have to figure out where the money will come from to do it. 

I am left with all of the responsibility of raising 3 young men. That is a daunting task. Their success or failure rests on my shoulders. I ask myself time and time again, "What qualifies ME to raise 3 boys? How can I teach them to be men?" I have never been a boy or a man. I can't know what their struggles are. Maybe it seems simple to an outsider but how many parents have decided that mom will talk to the girls about sex and dad will talk to the boys? There is sense and logic in that decision because a dad once was a boy who turned into a man. I am walking blind here. As Skittles approaches his teenage years. I am scared to say the wrong thing, to teach him the wrong thing. I want to raise Godly young men. I want them to honor their bodies but I don't want to set the bar so high that it is unattainable. I want to teach them about abstinence and the blessing that is marriage but how can I even teach THAT when I myself am divorced. 

I am starting to ramble. My brain goes in a thousand directions when I think of the enormity of the task ahead of me. I need to get back to the basics. 

I cook every meal. I wash every dish. I fold every towel. I change every diaper. I take out every bag of trash. I never get a day off, not my birthday, not mothers day. I never get breakfast in bed. 

It is very lonely. 

But I am not alone. 

For your Maker is your husband—
    the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
    he is called the God of all the earth.

Isaiah 54:5

He is my confidant. He knows my children and me intimately. He cares about lost teeth and strep throat. He knows how to fix my broken car and calls in his angels to rescue me. Every time I start to worry about how I will buy groceries or gas, God sends someone to give me a check or a gift card that pays what I need. I can cry to Him when I am sad and praise Him when, once again, He has worked a miracle. The task is still daunting and lonely but...

How to Make a PB&J

Just in case there are any moms out there who do not know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, here are some step by step instructions.

1. Take out bread, peanut butter, and jelly and place them on the counter.
2. Tell each of your children, "I am making a PB&J. Do you want one?" Be prepared with a notepad and pen to take orders. No one will want what you are making, that would be too convenient. 
3. Make oatmeal for your 2 year-old as requested. 
4. Put chicken noodles in the microwave for your 8 year-old. 
5. Take out 2 slices of bread and place them on a plate. 
6. DING! Stir the noodles and microwave for another 30 seconds. 
7. Spread jelly on one slice of bread.
8. Make note of 2 year-old's request for noodles also. 
9. DING! Take noodles out and bring them to the 8 year-old who requests a bottle of water. 
10. Put soup in microwave for 11 year old.
11. Bring water to the 8 year-old.
12. Spread peanut butter onto other slice of bread.  
13. DING! Stir the soup and reset the microwave for 30 more seconds. 
14. Make note of 2 year-old's request for soup. 
15. DING! Stir soup. Scoop out a tiny bit into a bowl for the 2 year-old who has finished his oatmeal and is DEMANDING soup now. 
16. Deliver soup bowls to 11 year-old and 2 year-old. 
17. Put your sandwich together and cut it. 
18. Make note of 2 year old who is now demanding some of your sandwich. 
19. Pull off some of the sandwich for him. 
20. Try to eat your sandwich as fast as possible while answering questions about school work and being climbed on by your 2 year-old who has completely lost interest in eating. 

Hershey is a bit hulkish right now since he has been on so many steroids. He is hyper, demanding, and quite rough. Today he marched up to me while Skittles was doing his language lessons and demanded to do school work. When I told him to wait a couple of minutes while I finished something up, he hit me and yelled "NO!" His first lesson for the day was one about using nice hands.

Twizzler did not do any school work today because he was sick in bed. 

• Skittles circled the verbs and underlined the nouns in a paragraph in language lessons. 
• Skittles took a quiz in math. Hershey built a tower with Cuisenaire blocks.
• Skittles read about the Mycenaeans in history, then he wrote a brief narration about them. 
• In science he read about how God gives us instincts. Then he wrote about a time when God gave him an instinct to do something right. He wrote about a time when he rescued a baby bird at his Grampy's house. 
• He reluctantly read chapter 13 of Number the Stars. He knew we would not be going to co-op this week so he tried to get out of reading it. NOPE. Hershey and I read, Over the River A Turkey's Tale by Derek Anderson. 

Where is God on the Bad Days?

Veterans day is a hard day for me for personal reasons. It is getting easier but I really wanted to just stay in bed all day and cry. 

All 3 boys were extra wild today. I spent most of my day refereeing them. 

Bills are piling up. I am not sure how much longer I can afford my apartment under my current financial situation. 

My car is falling apart and I have no means to fix it and even if I did the car is not in my name and could be taken away any day. 

My baby has terrible asthma. It took me 4 months just to find a doctor covered by my insurance who was taking new patients. I finally got an appointment for today and then my car battery died I had to find someone to give me a jump start just to try and get to the appointment on time and then I got lost trying to find the place. I drove in circles for 20 minutes while calling the office but no one answered. When I finally got there I had no idea where in the building to go. I was probably too flustered to read the signs correctly. I went to every floor in the building running from office to office trying to find the office I needed. I got there 16 minutes late. The woman at the front desk told me I would have to reschedule but he needed to get a referral to a pulmonologist and the next appointment is not until December. 

I wanted to take the kids to a Christian Surfer event at the beach but after all was said and done, it was too late to go. 

So where was God on this bad day? How do you count your blessings on a day like this?

I remembered the veterans in my family who have blessed me. My dad, both grandfathers and two uncles served in the military. 

I get to be a mom. Kids are hard work but if it weren't for their bickering, I would have stayed in bed all day and cried. They really are my reason for getting out of bed.

Every time I have a financial need, God finds a way to meet it. This month I found a gift card in my sock drawer from last Christmas and I have been able to use it to buy food. 

My pastor paid to have my battery replaced. So that I don't have to carry around jumper cables and beg for a jump every where I go. 

I found a doctor walking through the parking lot who was able to direct me to the office building. 

I admit I had a break down when they told me I would have to reschedule. They talked with the doctor while I stood there and sobbed. The woman behind me in line was so sweet. She gave me tissues and even tried to plead on my behalf. They did take us back. The doctor was wonderful. 

We did not get to go to the Christian surf event but we did get to go to the boys first night of soccer practice this season. Even Hershey got to kick the ball around with one of the other little brothers. 

Life is what you make it. If I chose to dwell on all the things that are bringing me down, I would never be able to get back up. If I remember to thank God for the blessings that He has given me each day, He will continue to bless me. 

• In language, Skittles had to find the verb in a few sentences. Twizzler had to find the complete sentences and cross out the incomplete ones. Hershey did another prewriting page. 
• Skittles did a lesson on regrouping in math. Twizzler took a quiz and got 100%!
• In history we read about Jonah and then Skittles wrote about his favorite part in the story. Twizzler drew a picture. 
• For science they had to define some words pertaining to animals, particularly dinosaurs, hatching out of eggs. 

Dr. Mom

Last week Hershey had a very bad asthma attack that landed him in the hospital for a few days. It was very scary. They sent him home with 7 prescriptions. When the pharmacist handed me the bag of medicine, I asked her if I could bring a nurse home with me. One medicine has to be administered on a full stomach. One medicine has a decreasing dose. One has to be given every morning and another every night.

I was scared I would not be able to keep track. I have a dry erase board that I use to write down prayer requests. This week it has been my nursing chart. 

I made note of the decreasing dosage for the steroids so that I would not forget what the dose was each day.

We have not done much school work. Hershey and I have just been resting and recovering. Skittles and Hershey had co-op on Friday. Hershey stayed with Nana. Tomorrow we will get back to work. 

Mom Bucks

First let me be very clear, I did not invent "Mom Bucks." Some of the moms at my homeschool co-op were talking about them and I thought they were a fantastic idea. I searched Google trying to find the original source of the "mom bucks" phenomenon so that I could give credit where credit is due but I had no luck. I THINK that it all started in a book called Diary of a Wimpy Kid. In the book the mom used money from a board game to reward her children for doing chores. I am using play money that I got in a pack from the Dollar Tree several years ago. I drew a read line on Skittles' bucks, a blue line on Twizzler's bucks, and a green line on Hershey's bucks.

In the book one of the children discovered more of the play money in a board game and cheated the system. I signed their names on the back of each buck so that they cannot counterfeit new bills. I keep the bucks they earn in my pocket chart so that they can see what they have earned and the money won't get lost. 

They earn a buck each time they complete a chore; loading the dishwasher, emptying the dishwasher, sweeping the dining room, vacuuming the living room, feeding the guinea pig, bringing in groceries, taking out the trash, putting away their laundry. They also earn bucks for completing a subject in school. That is a buck each for language arts, math, science, and history. They get a buck when they brush their teeth. They also get a buck if their room is clean before bedtime. That means they have the potential to earn up to 10 bucks per day and really more if they want to do an extra chore for me like; washing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, washing their clothes, or whatever else I can think of. 

Hershey can earn bucks by cleaning his room, "doing school", and putting dirty clothes in his hamper, cleaning up his messes, helping put his clean clothes away, and brushing his teeth. 

The great thing about mom bucks compared to the other methods I have used in the past is that I can take mom bucks away. Some things I charge a buck for are; playing when they are supposed to be doing school work, fighting, or pretty much any act of disobedience. Oh and I tax them a buck every time they leave a light on in a room that is not being used. I am really hoping to save some money on my electric bill. 

Each Friday I open my mom store and they can exchange their bucks for some prizes or cash, 10 mom bucks equals $1 real US currency. The kids went with me to the Dollar Tree to find stuff to stock in my store. They picked out stuff they really want. It has been a great motivation because they know what they want to save up for. 

Because they can cash their 10 mom bucks in for $1 US, I had to price my items carefully. If I overcharge, it won't take them long to figure out they can just cash in their mom bucks and buy it themselves. 

They each picked out a sword, even Hershey picked out an inflatable pirate sword. Because those are single items and I paid $1 for each, They have to pay me 11 bucks. There is a bag of items that are 1 buck each; pencils, stickers, little cars, tops, etc. The Tootsie Rolls are 1 buck each too.  There are some favorite snacks in the box, things that I don't often buy for them. Finally I added some big prizes that are just coupons to cash in to me. I wrote things on an index card like, "Sleep over with a friend, $100" "Movie Night, $50" "Bake cookies with mom, $50" I am hoping these are more popular than the other stuff so that I don't go broke. 

So far the system is working out great for us because I can reward them immediately. They see that dollar the moment they complete a chore. It is concrete not abstract. Even Hershey understands that he is getting rewarded. Right now he is happy with just earning play money. He doesn't even need to cash it in to be happy. 

"Ekercise Mama"

I have been including Hershey in my exercises since he was a baby. He is always kind of attached to my hip so I never really had a choice in the matter. Now that he is a toddler I have found that not only was exercising with him good for or bonding but he enjoys it so much that he keeps me accountable. Today I was lying in bed planning on being lazy for a few more hours minutes when in walked Hershey begging me, "Ekercise Mama. Peeeeas.... Ekercise ME." 

Here is a link that shows the exercise that Hershey and I do together. As he has grown bigger, I have grown stronger. No need to add weights. 

House Rules

I originally posted this on 3/30/2011.

This week I read an awesome blog on Living, Laughter, and Loving about house rules and chore charts. I was inspired! We have been having some behavior problems around here and I have completely run out of ideas on how to address them. I have tried every trick in the book. Or so I thought. Then I saw Laura's rules. I love how she incorporated God's word into her rules. It is not just "I told you so." This is how Christ wants you to behave. Love that!!! So I asked her if I could steal it. :-) She said yes.

Tonight we sat down as a family and came up with our own house rules. I did have to prompt Twizzler a bit but Skittles jumped right in. One rule I thought I would have to prompt was "Love God and love people." but Skittles came up with it. It was his second rule. We put it at the top of our chart though because it is the first commandment and Christ told us it was the most important commandment. 

On the back of each of our rules there is a corresponding Bible verse. I put them in a pocket chart so that when a rule is broken we can take it out and read it together. We can also read the Bible verse together. 

Here are our rules and corresponding Bible verses for inquiring minds. 

1. Love God and love people.  Luke 10 :27
2. I will use nice words. Ephesians 4:29
3. I will obey my parents. Colossians 3:20
4. I will use nice hands.   Ephesians  4:31
5. I will be honest.           Psalm 101:7 
6. I will be responsible.   Luke 16:11
7. I will work before play.       2 Corinthians 9:6

I wanted my kids to have very clear behavior expectations. So I also made a behavior chart. I told you when I started my blog that I am not very creative and if I steal an idea I will try to provide the source. The traffic light behavior chart has been around for years. I remember seeing them in some of the other Kindergarten classes in the public school I worked at many years ago. It is a great idea. Here is one of the spots I found it. If you Google "traffic light behavior chart" you are going to get a ton of different versions. Here is mine. 

My boys are really into race cars. I got these race cars at Phillip Martin's clip art website. I love his clip art. It is very cute and its free. I use it for my lapbooks, notebooks and any other projects. I changed the color of the race cars to my boys favorite colors. Then I glued them to a clothes pin. Now it is easy for me to move them up and down the traffic light. 

We discussed how the chart works. They start the day on green everyday. If they break a rule, they go up to yellow. Yellow is a time out. Time out in my family works like this... My pre-writers spend one minute in time out for every year of age. When they are done with their time out they come to me and repeat after me the rule that was broken, one time for every year of age. So Twizzler spends 4 minutes in time out for hitting and then comes to me and repeats after me, "I will use nice hands. I will use nice hands. I will use nice hands." here is where he gets really remorseful. "I will use nice hands." Sometimes he can even squeeze out a tear.  

Time out does not always work for Skittles. Once he began writing proficiently I switched his time out over to writing sentences. Now when he breaks a rule I give him lined paper and he has to write the rule he broke 7 times. As you can see my rules are not long or difficult. It takes him about 7 minutes to complete. It also keeps him focused on the reason for the time out and it sure beats sending him to the corner and listening to him scream about the injustices of our household. sigh... Which brings me to our red light. 

If they can stay in time out calmly and for the full time, then their car will travel back down to the green light. If they scream, cry, throw things... at me... resist their time out, then they will go to the red light. When they hit the red light they automatically loose a privilege. 

I also found this behavior chart on Heart of Wisdom. I like that the child can move up the chart when they are behaving and not just down when they misbehave. That is wonderful! I almost went with this chart instead. I think it is a great chart. The reason I did not, is simplicity. It seems like a whole lot of moving up and down. Also they are already getting a reward for staying on green. I am not sure what reward I would dole out for higher than green. Right now I think the traffic light will work for us. Maybe down the road, in a few years, we will be ready for more than 3 steps. 

It has been 3 1/2 years since I posted this and it is still working like a charm. I have not had the stop light behavior chart up in a couple of years. They learned pretty fast what was expected of them and what the consequences are. Skittles is old enough now to write the bible verses instead of the rules. Honestly though, it has been so long since they have even had to write sentences that I can't even remember. Now all I have to do is say, "Do you need to write sentences?" and they turn their behavior around right away. There are several things that I have tried in the past and either it only worked for a short amount of time or it did not work at all but I can say all honesty that this method has proven tried and true. 

You might be a mom if...

I originally posted this a couple of years ago. It still applies.

I am sure you all know who Jeff Foxworthy is. He is the comedian who came up with the phrase, "You might be a redneck if..." I came up with my own version....

You might be a mom if...

...you find french fries every time you clean out your car.

...you know what it feels like to step on a Lego.

...you know how to get crayon off of a wall.

...you once considered a career as a lactation consultant.

...you have the words to Goodnight Moon memorized.

...your last manicure was given to you by an 8 year old.

...you have used "time out" as a threat.

...you keep diaper wipes in your glove compartment.

...you get excited over minivan accessories.

...you have poison control on speed dial.

...your pantry is full of goldfish crackers and juice boxes.

...you eat chicken nuggets for dinner twice a week.

...you have 2 thermometers, 1 oral and 1 rectal.

...you have been up all night but neither alcohol nor sex were involved.

...you have gotten into an argument with a total stranger over vaccinations.
...you have a stick figure family in your back window.

 Are there anymore that you would add to the list?

Reason to homeschool #8

Remember my list about why I homeschool? I gave seven reasons why I homeschool but that list is always growing so I thought I would add something new to my blog. Whenever I am reminded of one more reason that I love homeschooling I am going to add it to my list. So here is #8... I love getting to cuddle up on my bed with my kids during our reading lessons.

We had a smooth school day. I think the kids knew that I was really having a hard time today and I did not have the energy to fight with them.

• Both boys spelled every word in their dictation sentences correctly. 
• I read a poem to Twizzler and Hershey by Robert Frost for their Language Lesson. Skittles wrote a few facts that he knows about guinea pigs. Aside from a few absent punctuation marks and a couple of misspelled words, he did very well. Luckily he has a guinea pig of his own to study. 
• In Science they colored a map of the USA showing where White Oak trees are indigenous. 
• In history we read about Cain killing Abel. Then we read about how Adam and Eve's family expanded up to the time of Noah. In their journal pages they had to choose an animal that disproves evolution. I am not sure if we got the answer that the author intended. They chose sharks because sharks have been around since the 5th day of creation and they have not changed. They also drew a map of the fertile crescent and labeled the current countries around it. 
• Hershey colored a picture of an airplane because airplane starts with A. 
• Twizzler read to Hershey and I in my bed. Skittles and I worked on correcting the mistakes that he made on his reading comprehension page yesterday. 
• They spent their math time today correcting yesterday's work. 

Why do I homeschool?

People are naturally curious about why someone would homeschool. When I found out I was pregnant with my first baby, I never thought about homeschooling him. I was a teacher. I was certain that I would just send him to school. I had family members who had been homeschooled but I did not think that was the choice I would make for my own children. I began homeschooling because God laid it on my heart to do so. It has been a difficult road. Every year I worry if I will be able to continue to homeschool. It is especially difficult as a single mom. For most single moms, it is not even possible.

I wrote this post a few years ago explaining my personal reasons for choosing home education while responding to some of the reasons other people have used to persuade me to put them into public school.

#1 Because of all the things they will miss out on. 

No I don't mean the Prom. When we were growing up, my cousin's were homeschooled and I remember thinking that they were going to resent their parents because they would be missing out on so much. Here are some examples of things that they missed out on. 

• When I was 12, I started smoking cigarettes.
• When I was 13, I started drinking alcohol.
• When I was 14, I started smoking Marijuana. 
• When I was 15, I lost my virginity. 
• When I was 16, I started dropping acid.
• When I was 17, I dropped out and got my GED.

#2 A quality education. 

I was in all honors classes through school and I actually managed to keep my grades up despite my "extracurricular activities". I was never really challenged by my school work. We spent so much time repeating things I had already learned but there are so many things I NEVER learned. Important things like the French and Indian War, how our government works, MY ADDITION AND MULTIPLICATION FACTS, GOOD GRAMMAR!!!! I mean, wouldn't this blog be more enjoyable to read if I had learned good Grammar? I have 2 college degrees yet my grammar is still atrocious. I apologize. It is not because I don't want to know it. It is because no one ever taught it to me. There are so many kids in school who are not taught things that they CAN learn if given the chance.  

#3 Socialization.

I have heard the argument that if parents are involved, their children will not fall into the normal teenage traps but my parents were VERY involved. They were great parents. I was just sneaky. I had made the wrong friends. I think that no matter how good a parent you are, you can't keep your child from running around with the wrong crowd and making bad choices. By the time I got to middle school it was more important to me to make friends, than to make good grades. A girl like me had few choices; nerds, losers, or stoners. I am sure you can guess which clique I slid into. I admit I chose poorly I have a good reason an excuse why I did not join up with the nerds. Which leads me to reason #4.

#4 Self-esteem

When I was in elementary school I had 2 kinds of seizures, temporal lobe and absence. When I had absence seizures my teachers and fellow classmates would call me a daydreamer, dumb blonde, and other cute nicknames. (insert another sarcastic look here) When I had a temporal lobe seizure they just called me a freak, weirdo & etc. I had little to no self esteem when I entered middle school and I was convinced I was stupid. I did not learn a lot because I was having seizures when it was being taught. What I did know, I did not always get a chance to produce because I was having a seizure when I was asked. This leads me to reason #5

#5 No teacher can love them like I do 

The reactions that some of my teachers had to my seizures were astounding. I was spanked in Kindergarten. I was put in the corner for most of first grade.  My second grade teacher wanted me to drink a cup of coffee in the morning before school so I would be more alert. My fourth grade teacher broke a yard stick over my head because he was tired of me "falling asleep in class". My fifth grade teacher told my mom that until I had a note from a doctor on why I couldn't turn my paper in with the rest of the class I was going to fail. He was preparing us for middle school so we turned in our papers at certain subject blocks. If I was having a seizure when the papers were collected I could not walk up to him at the end of the day and hand him my paper. Which leads me to #6 

#6 No child left behind!

I was left behind over and over. My seizures went undiagnosed until I was 12 when I was finally able to verbalize what was wrong. My Mom had taken me to a dozen doctors and I was misdiagnosed a dozen times. Don't get me started on a medical rant. Let me finish my education rant first. If one of my teachers had been trained to recognize seizures or had even bothered to make a proper observation I would have been diagnosed sooner. Instead my Epilepsy was ignored or a source of ridicule.

I am not the only one. My brother has ADHD and has an auditory processing disorder. My Mom had a meeting with one of his teachers a few months into his freshman year. The teacher did not know who my brother was. She even called him the wrong name. My brother had an IEP and should have been sitting in the front of the class and getting individualized attention. He was in the back of the class and failing. He was not a trouble maker so he was ignored. He failed his freshman year 3 times. My Mom pulled him out sophomore year as well. She put him in a private school where he flourished. Now he is a very successful professional welder. I am so proud of him and the obstacles he has overcome!   

#7 Preparing them for life and the after life.

I have also heard the argument that as Christians, we should send our children into the mission field of public school to witness to the lost. I think that is a lot of pressure to put onto a child. When public school teaches so many things that contradict my morals and beliefs, how can I expect them to walk away from it any different than I did. Which by the way was Pagan, not Atheist, PAGAN! Instead of witnessing to the lost I became LOST!

When I was 21 weeks pregnant with my 1st baby my water broke. At the hospital they told me that I would deliver soon and they could not save his life. All I could do was lay in bed and wait for labor to begin. I laid there praying. As a Christian I knew that my baby would be in his Father's arms if I delivered him so early. I also knew that if he survived, it would be up to me to get him there. I told God I was up to the challenge. I prayed, "Lord, Please let me keep him with me. I will do my best to teach him about You. I will tell him how much You love him. If you give him to me, I promise to give him back to You someday." and I mean to keep that promise! 

Packing

1. We did not do any school work today. I have decided to call it summer. We are still going to do math lessons a couple times a week. 
2. All 3 boys helped me clean out the van today. It was full of beach sand, crushed Goldfish crackers, crayons which thankfully were not melted, lollipop sticks, and pencils.... We are always trying to find a pencil in the house. Apparently they were all out in the car. Who knew?
3. I started packing for our upcoming vacation. I made the boys a checklist of things that needed to be packed. Then I told them to check off the things on the list as they pack them. This is the first time that they actually did a good job. I had to go through and check and yes there were a few things I needed to correct, like Skittles packed a few dirty shirts to meet his shirt quota. Twizzler packed only pajama bottoms. It was easily fixed and OH, it is sooooo awesome to not have to pack for them.
   
4. At church the boys had a movie and game night. They decorated boxes to look like rally cars and were supposed to race them down a hill. I was told they did not get chance to race the box they worked on but they still had a lot of fun. 
5. Each of the boys got a balloon as we walked out of church. Hershey was so careful with his until he got in the car and then he somehow popped it. When we opened the van door, Skittles balloon flew out and took off into the sunset. Twizzler's balloon was the only one to make it home.                                           

Ten Parenting Tips from Star Wars

1. Make sure they know you are in charge.
Child, "But Mom, You said...."      
Me, "I have altered the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further."


2. Teach them to honor their responsibilities.
If they don't get their chores done by sundown,
"There'll be hell to pay."


3. Teach them to get along with their siblings but don't take it too far.

Is it just me or does C3PO look a little freaked out?

4. Don't trust strangers to teach your children how to be a good person. That is your job.


5. Give your kids a good foundation even if you do not think they are listening, they will remember your words one day when they need them most.


6. Teach them to be a good sport when you play games and always let the wookie win.


7. Foster their individuality. It is not always good to fit in with everyone else.


8. Teach them good manners.


9. Teach them to control their emotions and not let their emotions control them.


10. And finally teach them perseverance...
"Do or do not, there is not try. "


I hope I don't get a nasty letter from Lucas Films or Disney for copyright infringement.

Motherhood Misconceptions

This is a post from my old blog. I originally wrote it On March 31, 2011. I was looking through old blog posts and I thought this would be perfect to share for Mother's Day.

Today I was thinking about all the ways I have failed as a mother. Well not really, "failed", I just mean that before I ever had kids, I made up all these rules in my head for how to be the perfect mom. Then I became a mom and realized these rules were idealistic misconceptions. Here are some of the rules I have broken misconceptions. 

1. My babies will all be planned pregnancies and I will be married
2. I will deliver my baby in a birthing center with a midwife.
3. I will lose all my baby fat right away.
4. My baby will never suck a pacifier or his thumb until he is 5 years old.
5. My baby will never drink formula.
6. I will never fall asleep holding my baby.  
7. I will never be too lazy to change a dirty diaper.
8. My baby will sleep in his crib every night, not in my bed or his bouncy seat beside my bed.
9. I will watch my baby's every move to keep him safe, not walk into my room expecting him to follow only to hear him fall down the stairs 3 seconds later.
10. I will never get angry at my baby for crying and kick a hole in my wall then go lock myself in my bathroom and cry.

So those are the rules I broke misconceptions I learned the first year. The learning did not stop there though. 

1. My children's clothes will always match. 
2. I will never say, "because I told you so."
3. I will never threaten or bribe my child.
4. I will never swear in front of my child. 
5. I will never let them watch a movie or play a video game that is rated beyond their age. 
6. I will always answer their questions or look up the answers I don't know. 
7. I will never use TV as a babysitter. 
8. Every meal will be healthy and include all food groups. 
9. I will never, EVER spank my child. 
10. I will read a book to them every night before bed. 

I am sure there are many more. I usually think of them right after I break them. I don't let it get to me too much though because I thought my kids were going to be perfect also. Of course they have broken a lot of rules misconceptions too.  

1. My baby will wait the full nine months after conception to be born, not 12 WEEKS EARLY!
2. My baby will sleep through the night right away or at least before he is 7 years old!
3. My child will never embarrass me in public. 
4. My child will never slip out of my sight in the blink of an eye. 
5. My child will like the same foods I like and eat whatever I put in front of him.
6. My child will always obey me the first time I tell him. 
7. My child will never pick up bad habits from his friends. 
8. My child will always be a good friend and play nicely with others.
9. My child will stop throwing temper tantrums when he turns 3. 
10. My child will never need to be reminded to clean his room over and over and OVER again!

So motherhood did not turn out how I thought it would. I am not the prefect Mom and my kids are not perfect either. I never could have guessed how much I would love it though. I feel immensely blessed to be the mother of these 2 (now 3) amazing boys. 

There is one more rule misconception I saved for the end, "I will love my children the same." I found that this is impossible because they are not the same person. Yes, I love them the same amount but in different ways and for different reasons. 

I love that Skittles is brilliant, creative, friendly, helpful, and vivacious. 

I love that Twizzler is cuddly, independent, sensitive, pleasing, and caring. 
I love that Hershey is thoughtful, curious, loving, tough, and gentle. 

I may technically be their teacher but they teach me a lot too. 

Clean

You know how toddlers go through a phase where they prefer one parent over the other. Well, Hershey only has one parent so he is doing that with Skittles and Twizzler. He only wants Skittles to hold him, play with him, and push his stroller or sit beside him. He does not prefer Skittles to me. He prefers Skittles over Twizzler and it is really hurting Twizzler's feelings. 

Meanwhile Skittles and Twizzler are fighting CONSTANTLY over EVERYTHING! They are just sick to death of each other. I am sick of the fighting. They need to have some separation. They are together too much. They have to share EVERYTHING; toys, clothes, Mom, and a bedroom. So last night I decided that I am going to change all of that. I moved Twizzler into Hershey's room. 

I am hoping this keeps them a bit more accountable for the messes that they create also. They have not been keeping their room clean and putting their dirty clothes in the laundry or putting their clean clothing in their drawers. There is a lot of finger pointing that goes on. Now each boy has his own laundry hamper, and his own clothing drawers. There will not be any finger pointing. Every night when I tuck them in, I can make sure they have cleaned up after themselves. 

I hope it brings Hershey and Twizzler closer together and gives Skittles and Twizzler the separation that they need. So far so good. It has only been one day and already Hershey has been playing with Twizzler more. I think Skittles and Twizzler only had one fight this afternoon. I was accused of ruining Twizzler's life because I did not make Skittles lend him his DS but by bedtime, everyone was happy again. especially me because for the first time in probably a year, every room in my house was *clean.*

Socialization

Don't ask me if my children are socialized. It is rude and annoying for many reasons.

1. Just because they are not locked in a classroom for 7 hours a day with 40 other kids does not mean they don't have friends. Skittles and Twizzler have more friends than I ever had at the same age. Even Hershey has friends and he is only 2. Putting your child in a room full of children born the same year will not guarantee they will make friends. 
2. It is none of your business how many friends my children have. I don't ask you how many friends your child has. Why do you think it is okay to ask me that just because I homeschool? 
3. Maybe what you are really trying to ask is HOW do I socialize my kids. Asking me IF they are socialized, implies that I am neglecting one of my children's very basic needs. 
4. Maybe you don't understand the definition of the word socialization. If you are asking me if I am fostering my children's ability to acquire a personal identity while learning values, behavior, and social skills, then yes. In fact, that is the main reason I homeschool.
5. If you are asking me if I am attempting to make my children socialistic, NO. That is another reason I homeschool. I am not trying to form another brick in the wall. My children are not just another cog on the wheel. They are individual and spectacular. It will be easier for them to build their personal gifts in the flexibility of homeschooling than the rigidity of school. 
6. Socialization is NOT encouraged in school. The only thing I EVER got in trouble for was socializing. My teachers said, "You are here to learn not to socialize." And they were CORRECT!!! That is what school is for, to learn. When we are doing our school work, my kids do not have other children distracting them. They can focus and absorb the information fully. And when school is done for the day, they are off socializing with their many friends at co-op, park day, Awana, skate day, church, sports, scouting, or the neighborhood playground. 
7. I have never met an adult who had been homeschooled and was socially inept. However, I meet socially inept products of public school daily. Maybe there are homeschoolers out there who are socially awkward but there is no proof that they would have fared any better if they had gone to school. 

Finally I will leave you with this video. It always makes me laugh by pointing out the absurdity of this question. 

Some Assembly Required

I live on a very tight budget. I am used to being thrifty when I am shopping. My mom told me to pick out a tricycle for Hershey's birthday and order it. I found the cheapest one that was still pretty nice. It said, "some assembly required." I thought, "I don't mind building it myself and saving a few bucks...." What I got in the mail was just a box of small parts.

It made me think of Pee Wee's evil bicycle dream, a movie scene that has made me afraid of clowns to this very day. 

I was able to get the whole thing put together with the help of my cousin. I am so thankful he was not wearing any clown makeup. And it was totally worth it. Hershey LOVES his new bike. Even if it does making a squeaking sound like it is straight from an 80s horror movie. 

The Sisterhood of the March Mommies

Nearly 3 years ago, when I found out I was pregnant with Hershey, I joined an online support group for moms due in March 2012. I expected to make a few anonymous friends to discuss the ups and downs of pregnancy with. I honestly thought that once we had our babies we would probably part ways because we would be busy focusing on our newborns. I never in a million, trillion years could have imagined the friendships that I would forge with these women. Instead of growing farther apart when our babies came, we grew closer together. We have carried each other through some very devastating situations. I have cried for and with them. They have carried me through so much... We have also rejoiced together too during really amazing times. And whenever something funny happens, I just want to hop online and tell my March Mommies about it. Nothing is sacred. We know all of our own dirty little secrets, our most embarrassing moments, and our deepest feelings. We have become a sisterhood. We are no longer anonymous either. We traded in our screen names a little over a year ago and reformed our group on facebook. I have also been blessed to actually meet 4 of my March friends in person with their March babies. The one thing that I can conclude with authority is that this group of ladies officially gave birth to the cutest babies that ever lived. ;) If you don't believe me, here is proof. 

Trust me, their faces are even cuter! 

Today I drove 2 hours to meet up with 3 of the March Mommies and their families. It was sooo worth it. We all had so much fun. We raced go-karts, played arcade games, and the big boys played mini golf. It felt like a family reunion. 

1. Hershey woke up dry this morning but he did not want to go potty. I was in a rush to get going so I did not force the issue. I put him in a disposable diaper and left. 2 hours later we got to the arcade and I noticed his pants were wet. I didn't think he could leak in a sposie. I was WRONG. He had filled that diaper. It weighed more than he does. I threw it away and stood him up on the changing table to take his shirt off of him because it was soaked in pee. He started peeing again. There was a BIG puddle on the changing table. What can you do when that is happening. I tried to hold a diaper on him but to no avail. I asked my mom friend who was in the bathroom, "Can you hand me some TP?" She brought out a tiny bit.. I said, I am going to need more than that. LOL. PEE EVERYWHERE! So my child spent the rest of the day in a raggedy homemade romper and sneakers without socks. 
2. Skittles got to drive his own go-kart. He seems to think that he was the first car to the finish line. 
3. I had to drive Twizzler because he was just about 2 inches too short to drive his on kart. It was secretly awesome because obviously, I got to go on a go-kart but also, I got to ride with him right beside me and hear him laughing and so joyful. 
4. Unfortunately we had a VERY slow kart. I think the slowest on the track. Skittles asked me, "Did you have the pedal pushed down all the way?" "Yes son, It was to the floor." He asked, "Did you pick a good line?" ROFL!!! I had no idea he knew so much about racing. Maybe he did win. 
5. While in the arcade, I looked down to put my soda in the stroller and when I looked up Hershey had bolted. I chased after him through the sea of adults and found him sitting on a motorcycle game. I have no idea how he got up there so fast. 
6. I gave each boy a card with $5 worth of tokens to spend. The first thing they wanted to spend them on was the rollercoaster ride. It was $3 per ride. They took turns paying for it and riding together. You could hear them squealing excitedly through the whole room. 
7. Hershey had seen how his big brothers swiped the cards so when the money had been spent, they discarded them but Hershey picked them up. He tried swiping them in all the games. He is so smart. He was calling the card, "Monies." How can a child who is not even 2 understand that swiping a card is the same as money???
8. I got to go to Pollo Tropical on the way home. If you have never tried them, go. It is the best fast food in the world! 
9. I was only 30 minutes late to my DC4K class. I am so glad I went though. We learned some good lessons today about our feelings. 
10. The BEST thing about being gone all day long is that I did not have ANY housework to do when I got home! 

Atlas Unshrugged

I know I am not the only mom who feels like Atlas from time to time. Being a mom is hard, especially a single mom. I am the only adult. All the responsibility falls on me. All the housework; I stay up until almost midnight every single night washing dishes and laundry, wiping off the counters and sweeping the floors. All the financial responsibility; when was the car payment due??? Dang it I am a week late! All the car maintenance; I really need to change my oil. I also homeschool so I have all of the school responsibilities. On top of all this I have to feed these kids from time to time. Sometimes I feel like I am carrying the whole world on my shoulders. I don't just mean figuratively. My stinking back hurts man!!!! 

Today the kids had a couple of friends coming over after church. I walked into the church service and was blindsided by what I call a rogue wave. SIL and I have likened divorce to being in a ship out at sea. When it first happens, you feel like you can't tell which end is up. You are certain that you won't survive. The storm seems to last forever and attack you from all sides. Eventually the seas start to calm. You have one good day and then another. Finally the good days outnumber the bad. You get to a place where you think, "I survived. I am okay." You start healing and rebuilding. Then BOOM! A rogue wave comes up out of NOWHERE and capsizes your boat. It is so unfair. This wave hit me at church. I jumped out of my seat, tripping over like 4 people between me and the end of the aisle. I barely made it to the bathroom before I exploded into a flood of tears. God is so gracious. He put 2 women in that bathroom who know me and my story and listened to me cry. They hugged me, loved on me, and encouraged me. Then one of them reminded me that I had promised to go help in the counseling area when the service was over. 

AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I had overbooked myself. I had 2 extra kids to pick up and I was already an emotional mess. How could I be of any help to anyone today? I cleaned up my face and I grabbed an iced coffee from the cafe. I ran to each classroom to let all the kids know that I would be late picking them up. Then I went and sat in the counseling room trying to compose myself. I got a couple other visitors who helped me take my mind off the rogue wave and focus on the task at hand. I talked with my pastor for a few minutes and felt a bit better. I was representing the Divorce Care class. My room was in between the Celebrate Recovery and Grief Share. I am so glad that my church has so many support programs available. I wish no one ever had to get divorced, lose a loved one, or struggle with addiction but this is the real world. It is not perfect. No one came to my room. I would like to think that is because no one in our church is going through a divorce. I know that is not true but it is a nice thought. I would not want anyone to have to go through the pain of divorce but if they are going through it, I hope they know they don't have to go through it alone. 

When I feel like the world is crushing me, God reminds me, ♪ He's got the whole world in His hands ♫

I don't have to carry all these burdens alone. He sent the right people to take care of me and surround me with love. It may have seemed like a rogue wave to me but nothing surprises Him. He knew it was coming from a mile away and while He could not stop it from washing over me, He had already sent in the rescue squad. I am so thankful. 

Last Day of Co-op

1. We only had a half day at co-op so the boys only had one class.
2. When it was time for me to go teach my preschool class, Hershey pointed to the door and said, "Go Mama, color, Peeeeeaase." How could I refuse. So he came in and made a Koala with the letter K.
3. After co-op we went to lunch with some friends.
4. We went to the mall looking for a Christmas present and the kids all sat on Santa's lap. Skittles told him he wants a skateboard. Santa said he wants him to come back next year and show off his scars. Twizzler seemed a bit nervous and did not really want to talk to him or touch him. Hershey just kept looking at him like, "Who are you and what is the big deal here." We don't really make a big deal out of Santa in our house so I don't think he recognized him.
5. Twizzler read Buttercup the Cow to Hershey for reading. They both seemed to really enjoy the story.
6. Before dinner Hershey folded his hands and said, "Bless this. Bless This." It was soooo adorable.
7. After dinner Skittles washed the dishes. He tried to negotiate a raise in his allowance. He asked me how much I got paid to wash the dishes when I was 10. I told him, "Not a thing. I did not get an allowance as a kid. I washed the dishes because it was a chore and I was expected to do chores. I never expected to be compensated for them." Then I asked him if he wanted the allowance that I got as a kid. He declined.

Little Box, Big Miracle

After church today we went to the Dollar Tree and filled shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child. The boys filled their boxes with; bubbles, fun socks, stationary and markers, games, magic wash cloths, cars, a sock monkey, and of course some candy. They were so proud and told everyone shopping in the store that it only costs $7 to ship a box around the world and into the hands of a child who probably won't get any other toys for the entire year. It is a good reminder to them of just how blessed they are while they are flipping through toy catalogs and picking out things for their wish lists.

1. Skittles learned about the 4 branches of the military in Trail Life. Then they met a veteran of Operation Desert Storm. 
2. Twizzler learned about bicycle safety. Then the kids all went on a ride around the parking lot with their leader. They used all the proper hand signals. 
   
3. Hershey brought me a book and said, "Read me." We read, "How Do Dinosaurs Count to Ten" about 3 times... It is his favorite book right now. He likes to name the toys in the pictures, "boon" (balloon), "truck, ball, block, sock, and choo-choo" Truck, block, and sock all sound the same.