Sunday, February 23, 2014

Atlas Unshrugged

I know I am not the only mom who feels like Atlas from time to time. Being a mom is hard, especially a single mom. I am the only adult. All the responsibility falls on me. All the housework; I stay up until almost midnight every single night washing dishes and laundry, wiping off the counters and sweeping the floors. All the financial responsibility; when was the car payment due??? Dang it I am a week late! All the car maintenance; I really need to change my oil. I also homeschool so I have all of the school responsibilities. On top of all this I have to feed these kids from time to time. Sometimes I feel like I am carrying the whole world on my shoulders. I don't just mean figuratively. My stinking back hurts man!!!! 

Today the kids had a couple of friends coming over after church. I walked into the church service and was blindsided by what I call a rogue wave. SIL and I have likened divorce to being in a ship out at sea. When it first happens, you feel like you can't tell which end is up. You are certain that you won't survive. The storm seems to last forever and attack you from all sides. Eventually the seas start to calm. You have one good day and then another. Finally the good days outnumber the bad. You get to a place where you think, "I survived. I am okay." You start healing and rebuilding. Then BOOM! A rogue wave comes up out of NOWHERE and capsizes your boat. It is so unfair. This wave hit me at church. I jumped out of my seat, tripping over like 4 people between me and the end of the aisle. I barely made it to the bathroom before I exploded into a flood of tears. God is so gracious. He put 2 women in that bathroom who know me and my story and listened to me cry. They hugged me, loved on me, and encouraged me. Then one of them reminded me that I had promised to go help in the counseling area when the service was over. 


I had overbooked myself. I had 2 extra kids to pick up and I was already an emotional mess. How could I be of any help to anyone today? I cleaned up my face and I grabbed an iced coffee from the cafe. I ran to each classroom to let all the kids know that I would be late picking them up. Then I went and sat in the counseling room trying to compose myself. I got a couple other visitors who helped me take my mind off the rogue wave and focus on the task at hand. I talked with my pastor for a few minutes and felt a bit better. I was representing the Divorce Care class. My room was in between the Celebrate Recovery and Grief Share. I am so glad that my church has so many support programs available. I wish no one ever had to get divorced, lose a loved one, or struggle with addiction but this is the real world. It is not perfect. No one came to my room. I would like to think that is because no one in our church is going through a divorce. I know that is not true but it is a nice thought. I would not want anyone to have to go through the pain of divorce but if they are going through it, I hope they know they don't have to go through it alone. 

When I feel like the world is crushing me, God reminds me, ♪ He's got the whole world in His hands ♫

I don't have to carry all these burdens alone. He sent the right people to take care of me and surround me with love. It may have seemed like a rogue wave to me but nothing surprises Him. He knew it was coming from a mile away and while He could not stop it from washing over me, He had already sent in the rescue squad. I am so thankful. 

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